Mr Hopkins, dear fellow students:

3:30 AM: GET UP. GO TO GYM. RUN 6.50 MILES. BURN 600 CALORIES
4:30 AM: DO 800 SIT-UPS. DO UPPER / LOWER BODY STRENGTH TRAINING.
5:30 AM: GO HOME. TAKE A SHOWER. TAKE A NAP.
9:00 AM: WAKE UP. STUDY. DRIVE TO SCHOOL. ATTEND CLASS. DRIVE HOME.
3:00 - 9:00 PM: EAT A LITTLE. STUDY A LOT. EAT A LITTLE. STUDY A LOT.
9:30 PM: TAKE A BATH. GO TO BED.

The above scene is a typical day in the life of someone with an eating disorder. This girl has lived for almost five years with a "commander" — a voice which tells her what to do, what she can eat, and how much she must exercise. When she was formally diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa, the girl decided to give this voice a name. She calls her, appropriately, "Anorexia."

It was necessary for her to give Anorexia a name to distinguish the voice from herself. She is the healthy person. Although she hates having to share space with Anorexia, she has learned to accept her presence — at least for now.

During her first semester at university, Anorexia slowly began to suck the girl into her world. At 168 centimeters and 63 kilos, she decided to avoid gaining the nearly 7 kilos of extra weight that first-year students often do by joining Weight Watchers with her mom. It was to be a mother/daughter "bonding" experience.

Unknowingly, Weight Watchers was to become the fuel that fed Anorexia. Instead of following the plan sensibly, the girl took it to the extreme: she counted every calorie, exercised intensely, and wrote everything down in her journal religiously. At this time she didn't realize that her behavior was the early sign of an eating disorder.

After leaving Weight Watchers, Anorexia became louder; she started to take over the girl's life. The girl drifted through school, not only convinced that eating only an apple and carrots during the day was sufficient, but also that she had to purge even those calories through vigorous exercise before she could have dinner. Even though her weight plummeted to 43 kilos, Anorexia had blinded the girl; she literally could not see how thin she was, despite the fact that her family and friends expressed great concern about how skinny she looked.

In some ways she actually thought she was still too fat. The distorted body image she had is another warning signal of an eating disorder.

In the course of her treatment the girl was hospitalized five times. It was during this period that she began to hear Anorexia's voice inside her head. Prior to this the girl had no idea what or who was driving her behavior; nor did she think that her behavior was abnormal. When Anorexia came out of the closet, the girl thought she was going crazy.

Since then, she has learned that people with eating disorders often hear "voices" that battle each other in their head. The following journal entry depicts the battle between Anorexia and the girl:

November 15th:
"I had breakfast and forced lunch down my throat. I can't believe I ate lunch. I have to run. I can't throw up so I have to run! No, you can't do this. You must fight. Just give in. That is what you want."

Anorexia also twists words around so that any positive statement turns into a negative one:

November 25th:
"Dr. Virtanen, Suvi and Harriet all said that you look good. You know what that means don't you? That you're getting fat! You are such a piece of shit. It's pathetic!"

Having Anorexia as a part of her is probably one of the most difficult things that the girl has had to live with. In many ways her life is not really her own. She doesn't have the freedom to do what many university students do. She doesn't go out to eat, nor does she socialize with friends in the cafeteria.

However, strange as this may sound, the girl often thanks Anorexia for her presence. Anorexia gives her insight into herself and also into the world of eating disorders. Eating disorders, in general, are addictions, just like smoking or drug dependence. They are all coping mechanisms for the stresses of life. When the girl escapes into Anorexia's world of food, weight, and exercise obsession, she numbs out the pain, anger, or sadness that she feels. However, the girl knows that Anorexia's life is a false reality; she is struggling to find the key to unlock the handcuffs that bind Anorexia to her. Her struggle changes from day to day, hour to hour, and sometimes minute to minute.

If the girl has learned only one thing from her experiences, it is what she now values most in her life: It is NOT getting straight 5's on all of her translation exams, or doing extra research in hope of getting an EU interpreting traineeship. Rather, it is stopping every once in while just to "smell the roses".

Thank you.

* Adapted from an original speech by Nicole Schlesinger