Most children watching "The Three Stooges" didn't realize it, but an
understanding of Yiddish was required to get a lot of the jokes. In one
episode, when Larry hears that Moe is heading to a hockshop, he says,
"While you're there, hock me a tshaynik." What must have sounded like pure
nonsense to most viewers was a Yiddish pun, one that Michael Wex, in his
wise, witty and altogether wonderful Born to Kvetch, lays on the
table for analysis.
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A Hassidic Jewish boy on the cover of Born to Kvetch
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A "tshaynik" is a teakettle. "Hak," or "huk," comes from a verb meaning
"to knock." What's the connection? Imagine a boiling teakettle. The more
it boils, the emptier it gets, and the louder and more annoyingly the lid
bangs. The very popular phrase "Hak mir nisht ken tshaynik" literally
means "Don't knock me a teakettle." Figuratively, as Mr. Wex translates
it, it means "you don't have to shut up completely, but I'd really
appreciate it if you'd stop rattling on about the same damned thing all
the time."
Mr. Wex, a Yiddish translator, university teacher, novelist and stand-up
comic, has many such examples up his sleeve, but Born to Kvetch is
much more than a greatest-hits collection of colorful Yiddish expressions.
It is a thoughtful inquiry into the religious and cultural substrata of
Yiddish, the underlying harmonic structure that allows the language to
sing, usually in a mournful minor key.
Yiddish is the language par excellence of complaint. How could it be
otherwise? It took root among Jews scattered across Western Europe during
the Middle Ages and evolved over centuries of persecution and transience.
It is, Mr. Wex writes, "the national language of nowhere," the medium of
expression for a people without a home. "Judaism is defined by exile, and
exile without complaint is tourism," as Mr. Wex neatly puts it.
To be Jewish, in other words, is to kvetch. If the Rolling Stones' "(I
Can't Get No) Satisfaction" had been translated into Yiddish, Mr. Wex
writes, "it would have been called '(I Love to Keep Telling You That I
Can't Get No) Satisfaction (Because Telling You That I'm Not Satisfied Is
All That Can Satisfy Me).' "
Mr. Wex finds a second source of Yiddish's prevailing tone in the Torah
and its attached Talmudic commentary. The Jews who transmuted German into
Yiddish were steeped in Jewish law, whose style and phraseology made their
way into the developing language and put down deep roots. Yiddish thrives
on argument, hairsplitting and arcane points of law and proper behavior.
Half the time, Yiddish itself is the object of dispute, a language, Mr.
Wex writes, "in which you can't open your mouth without finding out that,
no matter what you're saying, you're saying it wrong."
When you get it right, it can be a beautiful thing. Or a lethal weapon.
Yiddish excels at the fine art of the insult and the curse, or klole,
which Mr. Wex, in a chapter titled "You Should Grow Like an Onion," calls
"the kvetch-militant." Americans generally stick to short, efficient
four-letter words when doling out abuse. Yiddish has lots of those, too,
and it abounds in terse put-downs like "shtik fleysh mit oygn." Applied to
a stupid person, it means "a piece of meat with eyes." More often, though,
Yiddish speakers, like the Elizabethans, like to exploit the full
resources of the language when the occasion requires.
Yiddish is rich in curses that, at their best, leave just enough to the
imagination to keep the recipient tossing and turning at night, poring
over possible implications. "It isn't a matter of yelling out bad words;
the trick is to put good ones together in the most damaging possible way,"
Mr. Wex explains.
A simple, American-style "drop dead" might be rendered as "a dismal animal
death on you" ("a viste pgire af dir"), which, Mr. Wex, notes, carries the
suggestion that "you should spend the rest of your tiny life in a Colorado
feedlot, then be herded off to some nonunion slaughterhouse to be turned,
painfully, into fast-food burgers for one of the less prominent chains."
Yiddish is not a "have a nice day" language. "How are you?," a perfectly
innocent question in English, is a provocation in Yiddish, which does not
lend itself to happy talk. "How should I be?" is a fairly neutral answer
to the question. Theoretically it is possible to say "gants gut" ("real
good"), but this is a phrase that the author says he has never heard in
his life. "As a response to a Yiddish question, it marks you as someone
who knows some Yiddish words but doesn't really understand the language,"
he writes.
It probably helps to know a little Yiddish to extract maximum enjoyment
from Born to Kvetch, but even readers with minimal "bacon Yiddish"
("schlep," "schmear," "maven" and the like) can appreciate vocabulary
words like "kishke-gelt" (literally "gut money," earned by
self-deprivation so extreme that it's ripped from the intestines) and
expressions like "lakhn mit yashtsherkes," which means "laugh with the
lizards" and refers to a bitter kind of jollity, the kind of laughter that
keeps you from crying.
Mr. Wex has perfect pitch. He always finds the precise word, the most
vivid metaphor, for his juicy Yiddishisms, and he enjoys teasing out
complexities. His tour through the vocabulary of traditional punishments
meted out to schoolchildren, collectively known as the "matnas yad," or
"gift of the hand," may be his finest riff, a subtly differentiated
taxonomy of pain that starts with the "knip" ("pinch") and proceeds to the
"shnel" ("flick"), the "patsh" ("slap") the "zets" ("hard slap") and the
"flem" ("resounding smack").
At the far end lies the "khmal" or "khmalye," "the all-out murder-one
wallop that makes its victims 'zen kroke mit lemberik.'" It's so hard, in
other words, that the student sees Krakow as his head snaps forward and
Lemberg (present-day Lviv in Ukraine) on the return trip.
That hurts. But it's funny, too. All you can do is laugh with the lizards.