Examples of Confucius Say, . . . Jokes
FAST-US-7 United States Popular Culture (Hopkins)
Department of Translation Studies, University of Tampere
The "Confucius Say, ..." joke (the "Confucious" spelling is also common)
is an example of standard-format culture-bound folk-humor. Along with Knock-Knock Jokes they are among the most common
examples of juvenile English-language word-play humor.
Confucius (also spelled "Confucious", etc.) jokes are always one-liners
beginning with the phrase "Confucius Say, ..." [note the non-grammatical
format, perhaps indicating an original anti-Chinese intent (cf Rationale of the Dirty Joke)]. Confucius jokes
originally centered on a "folk truth," in ways not unlike urban folklore
like The Hook. They almost always have a scatological element, ranging from
mildly to extremely vulgar.
They always include a punning or double-meaning of words or language
phrases, particularly colloquial folk-register phrases such as by
cracky, to be in the doghouse, to get caught red-handed, to feel
low-down, or something which is not on the level, etc.;
double-meanings of homonyms such as pew vs phew! or 'piece' vs
'peace' or the American baseball concept of [pitched] balls (cf
strikes) vs male 'balls' [testicles]; or homonymic noun-verb
contrasts such as to prick vs 'a prick'. Due to the language
interplay, most Confucius jokes [at least those circulating in the United
States] are English-language-specific, and often U.S. culture-specific.
- Confucius say, Man who fart in church must sit in his own pew.
- Confucius say, Man who fly airplane upside-down bound to have crack up.
- Confucius say, Wife who puts man in dog house may find him in cat house.
- Confucius say, Virgin like balloon one prick, all gone.
- Confucius say, Girl who have red hair have red hair, by cracky.
- Confucius say, Man who lays girl on hillside is not on the level.
- Confucius say, Man who lays girl in field gets piece on earth.
- Confucius say, Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
- Confucius say, Man who stand on toilet is high on pot
- Confucius say, Man who walk through airport door sideways going to
- Confucius say, Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
- Confucius say, Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
- Confucius say, Baseball got it all wrong man with four balls
- Confucius say, Man who marries girl with no bust have right to feel
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Last Updated 08 February 2010