The "Confucius Say, ..." joke (the "Confucious" spelling is also common) is an example of standard-format culture-bound folk-humor. Along with Knock-Knock Jokes they are among the most common examples of juvenile English-language word-play humor.

Confucius (also spelled "Confucious", etc.) jokes are always one-liners beginning with the phrase "Confucius Say, ..." [note the non-grammatical format, perhaps indicating an original anti-Chinese intent (cf Rationale of the Dirty Joke)]. Confucius jokes originally centered on a "folk truth," in ways not unlike urban folklore like The Hook. They almost always have a scatological element, ranging from mildly to extremely vulgar.

They always include a punning or double-meaning of words or language phrases, particularly colloquial folk-register phrases such as by cracky, to be in the doghouse, to get caught red-handed, to feel low-down, or something which is not on the level, etc.; double-meanings of homonyms such as pew vs phew! or 'piece' vs 'peace' or the American baseball concept of [pitched] balls (cf strikes) vs male 'balls' [testicles]; or homonymic noun-verb contrasts such as to prick vs 'a prick'. Due to the language interplay, most Confucius jokes [at least those circulating in the United States] are English-language-specific, and often U.S. culture-specific.

• Confucius say, Man who fart in church must sit in his own pew.
• Confucius say, Man who fly airplane upside-down bound to have crack up.
• Confucius say, Wife who puts man in dog house may find him in cat house.
• Confucius say, Virgin like balloon — one prick, all gone.
• Confucius say, Girl who have red hair have red hair, by cracky.
• Confucius say, Man who lays girl on hillside is not on the level.
• Confucius say, Man who lays girl in field gets piece on earth.
• Confucius say, Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
• Confucius say, Man who stand on toilet is high on pot
• Confucius say, Man who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
• Confucius say, Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
• Confucius say, Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
• Confucius say, Baseball got it all wrong — man with four balls cannot walk.
• Confucius say, Man who marries girl with no bust have right to feel low down.