I take a look out the window. It is freezing cold outside. I light the candles on the window sill and warm up a cup of mulled wine. Its taste makes me feel like Christmas, and a smile appears on my face as I watch the snowflakes fall slowly down onto the ground. It is three days to Christmas.

Christmas has always been my favourite season. As a hopeless romantic I start with the candles, gifts and decorations very early. Even though I am not a child anymore, there still is some special excitement about Christmastime. It is a time of joy, giving and receiving, and meeting family. Now, once again, waiting for Christmas brings back to mind all the Christmas memories I have from my childhood…

For my family, as for most Finnish families, Christmas means spending time with close family members. The whole family gathers together to cook, play games, tell stories and have a good time. When I was little, we used to spend all our Christmases at my grandparents' house, but later on we usually stayed at home for the Christmas holidays. I've been told that I was always afraid of Father Christmas, so my parents didn't have him visiting our house until I was a little older, but otherwise our Christmas has probably been a very usual Finnish family Christmas with all the familiar traditions.

The first Christmas I remember was when I was only four years old. My father had just come back from his trip around the world, and the presents we got that year were certainly extraordinary! He had been in Hong Kong, Thailand, Australia, Hawaii, and all kinds of other places I had never even heard of. But even though he brought us lots of exciting presents, the best thing was to have him home and listen to all his new stories; he had been away for over a month. That, if ever, was a true family Christmas!

I also remember the following Christmas well, because we lived in a big, old house where the Christmas spirit was almost tangible. We were told that Father Christmas was very busy, and that's why the elves brought the presents to our doorstep while we were in the sauna. We thought it was real magic. My sister was already a little suspicious about the whole idea of Father Christmas and the elves; she said that they didn't exist. But that night she got her faith back stronger than ever - we had all been in the sauna together when the basket full of presents had arrived. I, of course, blamed her for ever saying such things about Father Christmas. I remember getting a tiddlywinks game, which I just loved, and since my father claimed that he knew Father Christmas very well, I told him to thank him for me.

When my parents divorced, my father moved out. After that our Christmas was, until these days, always the same: just the three of us together, at home - just the way we loved it. We sang lots of Christmas carols, decorated the house together, took pictures and wrapped gifts. We used to hide the gifts somewhere in our rooms, and bring them all under the tree on Christmas Eve. We went to church in the morning, and after that mum started cooking. My sister and I were watching children's programmes on television, always the same ones: The Snowman, Disney's From All of Us to All of You, and other special films always shown on Christmas Eve. And I have to admit, I still watch those programmes…

Every night during the holidays we used to take some time to sit by the piano. Mum would play all these wonderful, familiar songs, and we would all sing together. Many times we also read a novel or some fairy tales every night during the Christmas holiday, taking turns in reading. Once it was Robinson Crusoe, once a book with all-time favourite Finnish children stories. We read in the evening, and for all of us it was a chance to relax and forget about the holiday stress. We haven't done this in few years now, but it is a tradition that I'm planning to continue with my own children in the future.

One of the greatest things about Christmas is naturally the food. My mother always cooks all the traditional Finnish Christmas dishes: salmon and ham; liver, carrot and swede casseroles; green salad and salad of pickled herring and vegetables; ginger biscuits, Christmas cakes, and rice porridge. We eat the porridge in the morning and biscuits and cakes with coffee in the afternoon, and then have dinner around five or six o'clock in the evening. There is still plenty of food left after that, and we usually keep to the old Finnish tradition of leaving the Christmas dinner on the table all night, so whenever one feels hungry, one can go and have a bite. But one reason for the dinner being one of the best things in Christmas is probably the excitement always connected to it: after dinner we open the presents.

It's quite funny - it seems that the older I get, the more presents I receive every year. But the best thing, as much a cliché as it seems, is giving presents to others. I love planning nice gifts, wrapping them carefully and giving them to the receivers. Even though I don't believe in Father Christmas anymore, I believe that there is a certain kind of Christmas spirit that makes everyone feel good and be nice to each other. In the evening it is nice to send text messages or telephone friends to wish them Happy Christmas and thank them for their presents.

On the other hand I hate the fact that Christmas has become a commercial event. You can see huge screens everywhere with the Coca-cola Santa Claus wishing Merry Christmas to everyone - and a lot of money to big toy and game companies and the whole consumer industry. As a somewhat religious person I would also like to remember the original meaning of Christmas as the Birth of Christ. Nowadays it is hard to find mangers in shop windows, and the atmosphere of peace has changed a little, too. Luckily, peace can still be found by lighting a few candles and listening to peaceful music at home. The other thing we forget is the basic idea of giving presents: it has become more of a habit than an indication of caring. We should stop and think about the people we are giving the presents to.

So far, there have only been two Christmases that have been different from our usual pattern. One was when I was about eleven or twelve years old, and my mother was very ill. It meant that she wasn't able to participate in our usual Christmas activities, so my sister and I had to play Christmas carols from cds, and do almost all the cooking. She told us what to do, and we tried our best to do as she told us. Luckily everything went okay, and towards the evening my mother started feeling a bit better. She stayed up until the presents had been opened and we had had some mulled wine. After that she went back to bed and we started playing with our new toys and games.

The other unusual Christmas was just a couple of years ago, when my sister went to Morocco to meet her fiancé for Christmas. It was just mum and I at home, and it felt really strange. Something was missing, and even though we did everything just as we used to, we didn't quite catch the right atmosphere until my sister came back on the 27th of December. But that night was great fun, because we had saved most of the presents and some Christmas food for that night, and we sang her carols, so she wouldn't feel like she had missed anything.

One fixed tradition has also been visiting our dad the day after Christmas. When we lived only 40 kilometres away, it was of course easy, but I've kept to that tradition even now that I've moved to Tampere. After all, Christmas is a time for the whole family, and it is always nice to get to spend time with dad as well. What I'm really happy about is that he's moving to a nice, old house in the countryside, and possibly my children in the future will remember that house when they are thinking about their childhood holidays.

Oh, those sweet memories… Sadly enough, from now on Christmas is going to be a little different. My sister and I are grown-ups already, even though I guess I never wanted to become one. Catching that magical Christmas feeling is, for some reason, a lot harder nowadays. This year my sister will be staying at home with her husband. I'm going to mum's place, but this time it will not just be me and mum - my mother's foster children, all four of them, will of course be there, too. It is the first Christmas we will spend with them, and it will be very different. First of all, I am no longer the youngest one and I will be helping my mum a lot with the cooking and gift-wrapping, and thus also lose some of the excitement. The other thing is that it's been a long time since I have spent Christmas with children. It might turn out to be great fun, but they are all from another family, and somehow I think that some of their traditions might feel rather odd to me.

The other important tradition, meeting dad, will also be different this year. Since my sister is not coming to spend Christmas with us, she wants to serve us the Boxing Day dinner. Dad will be there, too, so we'll meet, but somehow I feel that starting this year, everything in Christmas is about to change. And that feels sad.

Well, change is not always bad. It won't be long before I'll have my own family and new traditions, and time will tell how Christmas will feel then. But Christmas is always that time of the year when I really notice the time passing. And it's not only about these Christmas traditions. Sometimes I wish I had never grown up and moved away from home, and that I would never have to face the cruel world by myself. But I guess it's too late now - and well, it happens to everyone. It's just a question of adapting.

Everything moves on, so maybe I should, too, I sigh to myself quietly. I drink the rest of the mulled wine in my cup and extinguish the candles. It's still snowing, and everything outside seems quiet. I turn away from the window. It's time to go to bed.